Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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