just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
