She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
