Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
