8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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