Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
