I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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