There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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