he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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