sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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