Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
