Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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