he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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