I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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