I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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