I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
