sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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