eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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