I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
