I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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