i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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