I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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