How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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