When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
