Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i need to put some appletini on your dick
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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