those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This toilet bowl is my home.
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