woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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