i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
