We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
