everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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