Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
