i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
