just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
