I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
