Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
