I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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