That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
