She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
