I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
