hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
