I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I've blown a few things in my day
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
