haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
