Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
