i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
