so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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