I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
