can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
