my vag is so smooth its legendary
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
