Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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