I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
