Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
